THERE’S A LION IN MY BACKYARD

By Karen J. Williams

“911,” said the operator in a sing-song fashion,  “What is the nature of your emergency?”

Gripping the receiver in her sweating palm, Ruanne, feeling scared and nervous said loudly, “there’s a lion in my backyard.”  She paced around the brightly colored yellow kitchen as far as the extension would allow her. 

The operator, taken aback, repeated her question.  “Ma’am,  did you say there is a lion in your back yard?”

“Yes. Yes, “ said Ruanne, continuing to pace and peering out of her kitchen window from what she considered a safe distance from the big cat lurking in her flower beds, and trampling her garden with his big paws. “There’s a huge lion in my backyard.  Did you hear that?

“Yes ma’a, how did the lion get in your back yard?”

“How would I know?”

“Well ma’am,” said the operator attempting to control the laughter.  “It isn’t everyday we get a call about a lion in one’s back yard.  What is the lion doing ma’am?”

“Wha…what is the lion doing?  Her voice beginning to rise, the lion turns in her direction.  “I’m looking out of my kitchen window…Oh, no, he’s coming up on my deck.”  She quickly pulled the curtains to.  “Oh my God, it’s coming this way.”

The lion slowly made his way to the deck.  The scent of the flowers and dust from the garden filled his nostrils.  He sneezed and shook his mighty mane.   Another more pleasing aroma filled the air.  It came from some where beyond the deck.  He approached his prey, sniffing, huffing and stalking as lions do before they move in for the kill. 

Ruanne looked on in disbelief as the lion came near.  She looked into his steely gaze and was once again filled with fear.

“Ma’am,” said the operator.  I’m dispatching an officer now.”

“An officer?  Honey you betta send in the calvary.  My address is 1250 Second Street.”

“Thank you ma’am.  That address is 1250 Second Street…is that correct?”

“Mm hmmm, yes,” said Ruanne staying away from the window.  “I can hear him on the deck now….ooooo”, she said shaking in fear.

“Ma’am, I’ll stay on the phone with you.  I suggest you leave the kitchen and close the door behind you.  Do you have a door between the kitchen and say, a dining area?”

It was then that Ruanne realized that the kitchen door leading out to the deck was open…the flimsy weather-worn wooden screen door is all that stood between her and the lion.  She looked about the kitchen for a weapon, still holding the phone, she stumbled into a chair, making a racket as she reached for a nearby large sauce pan to use as a weapon.

***

With the sauce pan raised, Ruanne tiptoed as quietly as possible to the kitchen door.  The door hinges, in need of oil, screeched loudly as they had been doing for more than a month.  “not now,” she whispered softly, “quiet, shhhh, not a sound.” Her words were lost, the door creaked and cried loudly before she closed it.  Feeling relieved for a moment she stood with her back against the door until she heard the lion’s soft huffing  and low grunts.

Moving her ample body and with stealth, she tiptoed quickly to the dining room and closed that door behind her.  In the living room she picked up the cordless phone and spoke with the operator.  “I’m in the living room now.  The lion is on the deck.  He put his huge plate-sized paws on the kitchen window and rubbed hi nose against the class.  His long nails clicked against the window as he clawed at the invisible barrier.  His nose in the air, he caught the scent of Ruanne’s frying chicken.

***

Normally, Ruanne took great pleasure in admiring her lovely home.  The beautiful sage green shag carpet complemented the soft yello walls and floral sofa.  Today she was too scared to look at her precious surroundings.  Like a streak she heaved her heavy body up the stairs to the second story.  Earlier in the day she had gone to the beauty shop.  Her hair was in curls that now bounced on her head like the curls on Shirley Temple as she tap-danced.  They bounced and flounced in her eyes and about her face.  With her free hand she swiped at the curls and grasped the banister jettisoning herself onto the upstairs landing with a thud.  The cordless phone clattered across the floor.  The operator was frantically calling out, “Ma’am, are you there?  Are you there?  What’s happening?”

Struggling under the bulk of her weight, she managed to crawl into her bedroom window to get a glimpse of the lion, still on her deck, now scratching at the door.

The aroma of burning chicken drifted up the stairs.  “Ooooo, no, not my crispy, spicy, tantalizing , mouth-watering golden brown  chicken.  She yelled into the phone. “My chicken is burning to a crisp.  My dinner!

She spoke into the phone, “my chicken is burning, he smells my chicken. 

“Be calm ma’am.  The police  and AC are nearly there.”

“AC,” asked Ruanne.

“Animal Control ma’am.  They’re meeting the police at your house.

Ruanne heard a sound coming from the front of her house.  She crossed the hall landing  where she saw the police, with flashing light and animal control had pulled up in front of her house.  She raised the window and called out to them.  Four officers, and several zoo personnel with a large van. 

She bounded down the stairs, she opened the front door with a jerk.  She began to jabber, the policeman raised his hand to silence her.  “Ma’m, show me where the lion is.  Ruanne, speechless, pointed to the back of the house…”go through the dining room, into the kitchen.  He’s on the deck pawing at the screen door.  He smells my chicken.

“MY CHICKEN!”  She hurried the policemen along and into the kitchen.  The put out the flame under the now burned to a char chicken, smoke hung in the air.

By the time the police opened the door, Animal Control had tranquilized the lion and he staggered about on the deck bumping into and knocking over her furniture and potted plants.  He was out like a light.  They managed to get him into the van and hurried off in the direction of the zoo.

“You’re safe now ma’am,” said the handsome officer.  He was a big one.”

“Mmm hmmm,” she said eyeing the good looking man in front of her, batting her eyes and squirming a bit.

“How did he get out?” she inquired, touching her heart.

“Right now we have no idea.  The zoo will investigate and ensure this doesn’t happen again.  It could have been worse.  No harm done.” He said as he walked to the front door, eager to leave the wondering of eyes of Ruanne.

***

Later that evening after ordering Chinese take-out, she sat watching tv and discovered the local news channel had filmed Animal Control  brining the huge beast to the van.  “Too bad I didn’t know,” she thought had  envaded.

“Girl,” she said, “Mmm hum, there was a lion in my back yard.

, “I could have been on tv.”